After I met with my therapist over 2 weeks ago I thought it was too much and didn't see him. He called me yesterday to ask when we would meet next week. So I have to make the decision if I'm going to go back or not.
On the one hand, I don't feel relieved after seeing him. I feel horrible. I get emotions that I don't like and can't deal with and we don't even discuss them for me to be able to come to terms with them. He always says next time or something like that... I feel helpless dealing with him, not a partner at all.
On the other hand, I have gotten better. Maybe not me really but my symptoms. I also know that my emotions are sometimes inadequate, so I need to reality check them. But I'm not sure if he is helping.
And I am actually terrified of having to call him. If I say I'm not coming back, I'm afraid he will guilt-trip me. If I go back, I feel like I'm letting myself down by not being assertive, because even if I go back I feel like I won't be able to communicate my needs or wants, or, actually, I will be able to communicate them, but he just won't listen.
I feel like such an idiot! Why can't I make a decision and stand up for myself?! Because I keep thinking he must be right and I'm wrong and I should listen to him because he knows best but then I just can't!
On the one hand, I don't feel relieved after seeing him. I feel horrible. I get emotions that I don't like and can't deal with and we don't even discuss them for me to be able to come to terms with them. He always says next time or something like that... I feel helpless dealing with him, not a partner at all.
On the other hand, I have gotten better. Maybe not me really but my symptoms. I also know that my emotions are sometimes inadequate, so I need to reality check them. But I'm not sure if he is helping.
And I am actually terrified of having to call him. If I say I'm not coming back, I'm afraid he will guilt-trip me. If I go back, I feel like I'm letting myself down by not being assertive, because even if I go back I feel like I won't be able to communicate my needs or wants, or, actually, I will be able to communicate them, but he just won't listen.
I feel like such an idiot! Why can't I make a decision and stand up for myself?! Because I keep thinking he must be right and I'm wrong and I should listen to him because he knows best but then I just can't!
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