What is bothering me at the moment are these attacks of nervousness. I might be sitting watching a video and all of a sudden everything squeezes inside and I feel nervous. Most of the time I don't even register what it is that set it off. All I can think is:" oh my god, I'm so nervous again!" and the knot in my stomach tightens.
What I think happened is that I had a split-second thought that it's getting late and I need to get stuff done and that triggered a mini panic.
It has passed now, but I'm so annoyed that this even happens. There is no reason to panic. None. And yet I do. This gap between what is reasonable and my reaction makes me feel so inadequate. Maybe there are deeper underlying issues about what this means to me but I feel like I never get a chance to explore them. My therapy just doesn't do that. Can I do it myself? I don't know. I wish I had some really good analyst at my side all the time to just explain things to me. I feel so overwhelmed now that I wish I could talk it out, but there is nobody here. When I was having a breakdown 2 years ago my mom was with me and I just spilled everything out to her all day long. It was such a relief. All the small things that make me extremely anxious and depressed. Just saying them out loud made me feel better.
What I think happened is that I had a split-second thought that it's getting late and I need to get stuff done and that triggered a mini panic.
It has passed now, but I'm so annoyed that this even happens. There is no reason to panic. None. And yet I do. This gap between what is reasonable and my reaction makes me feel so inadequate. Maybe there are deeper underlying issues about what this means to me but I feel like I never get a chance to explore them. My therapy just doesn't do that. Can I do it myself? I don't know. I wish I had some really good analyst at my side all the time to just explain things to me. I feel so overwhelmed now that I wish I could talk it out, but there is nobody here. When I was having a breakdown 2 years ago my mom was with me and I just spilled everything out to her all day long. It was such a relief. All the small things that make me extremely anxious and depressed. Just saying them out loud made me feel better.
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